Dating is never easy. Figuring out ways to meet new people, knowing the right things to say, and deciphering the best methods to impress a potential mate can be confusing and overwhelming. While I count myself lucky that I haven't been on the market for several years (I swear I'm not rubbing it in), many of my friends have become increasingly frustrated by how difficult dating is, especially after 30. But what makes dating after 30 different from dating in your 20s? Turns out, there's a lot. I spoke to dating and relationship experts as well as women who are navigating dating after 30 to find out what's so different and how to make it easier.
A Marketplace report on the dating app scene found that the top 20 dating apps saw active daily users grow by 1.5 million last year. Adding video chat features, as many dating apps did, certainly. Available to download from the App Store and Google Play, the Thursday app had over 110,000 users signed up in London and New York prior to its launch due to simple yet effective dating ethos.
The dating pool is smaller
Originally a Facebook app, Zoosk is now one of the largest dating sites out there, with over 30 million downloads since its launch in 2007. Today, it has over a million active users, according to Statista—and 500,000 of those are paying members, which means more than half of the users are seriously committed to find a match. Zoosk – Best for 30 Somethings Looking for Casual or Serious Dating It might have one of the more confusing names in the dating market, but that doesn't mean it's not one of the top dating apps for singles in their 30s. Zoosk (which is actually a German name) can be summed up in one word—options. There are definitely paid features on some dating apps that are worth the price, but I've yet to be able to justify shelling out cash for love. See at Match 13 of 13 James Martin/CNET.
According to the Pew Research Center, the average age for marriage in the United States in 2011 was 27 for women and 29 for men, so by the time we hit 30 a lot of our friends and potential mates are already in committed relationships. This means that the dating pool after 30 isn't quite what it used to be.
'The dating pool has shrunk by 30, with more of your peers in long-term relationships or marriages, and with your social circle feeling smaller,' said eHarmony's Chief of Advice Jeannie Assimos. 'This is when dating services come in handy, to find the others that are available and ready to date.'
Laura Ryan, a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified hypnotherapist, and certified Imago Relationship Therapist agreed. 'Many eligible men have now gotten married or are in long term relationships because nesting and settling down is something that starts to happen in your late 20s and people begin to marry and have children in their 30s,' she said. 'Your pool of girlfriends also shrinks because many of them are now married and/or have children, so they are less inclined to want to go out for half-price Margaritas with you on a Tuesday.' With fewer potential partners to choose from and no wing woman, things can be a little tough.
Your goals are different
After 30, many experts agree that women are more interested in commitment than ever before. 'Several of the women I'm currently working with report that they've set specific timelines for potential relationships. They expect to discuss living together after nine months of dating and want to get engaged within 18 months,' said Dr. Jess O'Reilly, Astroglide's resident sexologist. 'I often caution against these time-based goals, but ultimately, they're the experts in their own relationships.'
Rhonda Milrad, a licensed clinical social worker and founder of the relationship app Your Sage, agreed, telling me that after 30, people are looking for a life partner. 'Up until this time, your priorities have been career and experiencing life, and you weren't interested in settling down. You did not feel the pressure to start thinking about what city you wanted to end up in and the age by which you wanted to have your first kid,' Milrad said. 'Now, in your 30s, priorities are changing, biological realities are setting in and your focus is to find someone with whom you can build a life and have children.'
Your brain is different too
It isn't just that the dating pool is smaller after 30, it's also that your brain has literally changed since you were 21 and sidling up to the hottie at the bar.
'Brain development is the primary reason dating after 30 is so different,' said David Ezell, the clinical director at Darien Wellness. 'Cognitive development is done after the age of 25 and as executive functioning comes into play connecting today's actions with tomorrow's desires begins to be the driving force in healthy people's lives. People discover what they want and start seeking partners who can give it to them.'
Tinder may not be for you
Because your goals after 30 may be quite different than your dating goals from your 20s, dating apps may not be the best bet for meeting people.
'It's of much higher likelihood that when you're on the other side of 30 that you're seeking a partner to share your life with. The apps are millennial focused and there is a current 'hookup' movement, which you will be mixed up in on the apps,' said certified international dating and relationship Megan Weks. 'It's possible that you may bump into someone who is age appropriate who wants the same things, but it's difficult to navigate the apps when it comes to figuring out the other person's goals. The best way to find out is to ask!'
Dating photography in lynden. Brandyce Stephenson, the owner of a marketing consulting business and self-proclaimed 'single gal in her 30s' who lives in West Palm Beach, Florida agreed. She told me that traditional dating apps don't have what she's looking for. 'I would certainly say [apps like Tinder are] more for a good time than forever, but that has changed for me in my 30s, I'm not interested in that.'
You're set in your ways (and so are they)
While dating in your 20s may mean a lot of compromise and dating people who have very different values than you, by the time you hit 30 those days are over.
'Another major transition in the 30s is being more set on one's values and preferences. Most people go through a re-evaluation of life around early 30s on what they really care about and what they want they want out of life,' said Dr. Wyatt Fisher, a licensed psychologist in Colorado and founder of apps for couples. 'This re-defining time spills over into their dating life where women in their 30s are often much more direct on the values they want in a person and what types of behaviors they will and will not tolerate.'
It's hard to find someone your age
One of the downsides of being more set in your ways and knowing exactly what you want is that you may not seem quite as fun to some potential mates as women in their 20s appear.
'When women are over 30 they also have to accept the reality that many of the men who are their age have now started dating women who are younger than they are,' said Ryan. 'It seems that around age 30, men start looking for younger women to date, which narrows the dating pool significantly. Younger women are perceived as more 'fun' with fewer expectations and a more youthful appearance and body.'
Ryan said that many men even limit their online dating searches to only women up to age 35, regardless of how old they are themselves. 'There is very little that we can do about this, but accepting this reality is important when setting expectations for dating.'
Potential partners have more baggage
Another reason that men may start dating younger women after 30 is that we tend to have a bit more baggage the older we are. This isn't limited to women so you'll need to ready to deal with some baggage in your own potential partners too, like past relationships and maybe even kids from prior relationships.
'In your 30s, chances are you've already had a few relationships. Some of these might not have ended amicably, and could have involved being cheated on or feeling violated in another way. This can sometimes lead to fear in a new relationship, and past fears can haunt new relationships,' said Candice A. of Toronto Wingwoman. 'Combine this with the fact that we usually have more responsibilities in the 30s dating can be considered more difficult.'
Shared interests are more important
When you're set in your ways and looking to find someone your own age, one of the best ways to do that may be doing something you love. Chances are, if someone else is doing it too, you may have more in common.
'The 20-something scene typically means going to a loud bar to meet singles. The 30 somethings tend to do activities they enjoy that offer exposure to other singles like, running groups, art classes or volunteering,' said Jaime Bernstein, a senior matchmaker for the professional matchmaking startup Three Day Rule. 'Finding some common ground and interest creates a deep bond faster.'
Networking is king
But how can you find new activities and meet new people with shared interests? It turns out, networking isn't just for finding a new job! The great thing about networking is that even if you don't meet the one, you gain a ton of other benefits like improving your small-talk skills, trying new restaurants, and maybe even doing something you've never done before.
Sheyla Ventura, who is a brand coordinator for a dating app in New Zealand thanks to all of her personal experiences with other dating apps, told me that 'networking has surprisingly become a thing' adding that when you share things in common, it's easier to find a more compatible person. 'I go to climbing gyms and I feel comfortable around new friends sharing the same interest,' she said. 'I need to find someone more into sports and less into heavy drinking and partying.'
New apps for the 30+ crowd
Speaking of dating apps, just because the typical ones (like Tinder and Bumble) may not be ideal for women over 30, that doesn't mean there aren't apps out there.
'Dating apps over the age of 30 tend to focus more on meaningful relationships and specific interests. Dating app users tend to say that there's a dating app for everyone, and it's true,' said Gabriel Rotman, one of the co-creators of Jabo, a dating app designed around doing things specifically with people over 30 in mind. 'If you're a person of religious faith, there's an app to find people who share your faith. If you're an audiophile, there's an app to meet other audiophiles, and so on.'
He added that Jabo in particular is an app to meet people who love outdoor recreation and an active lifestyle, which he said is great for people over 30 'because it helps them get back to their youthful selves.'
Things may move more quickly
Once you connect, whether it's through an app or otherwise, things may happen a little faster than they did when you were in your 20s, at least from a commitment perspective.
'From my experience with clients, in general, people dating in their 30s still message via app or online personals, but the messaging doesn't last as long as those in their 20s,' said relationship expert Chris M. Lyon. 'Singles in their 30s want to get to know someone in person quicker, and in more of an information-gathering way than a hookup.'
Acceptable behavior changes
We all did things in our 20s we aren't proud of, we can all admit that, right? As we get a bit older, what's considered acceptable (for both men and women) in the dating world changes quite a bit.
'In yours 20s, daters are open to last minute invites, [like] getting a text to meet at a bar at 10 p.m. on Saturday night,' professional matchmaker Bernstein told me. Sandusky gay matchmaking. 'Most 30-somethings find that to be a little offensive and feel like it is more respectful to have a plan several days out.'
It isn't just about planning, though, it's also about behavior during and after the date. 'In your 20s, it was perfectly acceptable to go out to a bar and go home with a new person that night. In your 30s, the men who are hanging around bars may not be the best quality people for long term partnership (and many may be struggling with addiction issues),' Ryan told me. 'An expectation develops when you are over 30 that since you are a mature adult, you will really get to know someone before you have sex with them, so we transition into a more formal dating style of a glass of wine with dinner instead of ten jello shots at the bar.'
Money is more important than ever
I don't mean that the amount the date costs is so important, though that's something to keep in mind. What I mean is that after 30, people are concerned not only about their own money, but the general financial situation and responsibility of potential partners.
April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert and the author of the Ask April advice column told me this is very important when dating after 30. 'People in their 30s want to know who they're dating and how it affects their wallets. They aren't always interested in someone who's making big bucks, but they want someone who's honest about their financial profiles. An entrepreneur with huge debt is sometimes less attractive than a social worker with high credit.'
Financial experts like Kerri Moriarty, who is a founding team member of Cinch Financial, agree. 'The impact is noticed in a number of ways – everything from it no longer being 'cute' [that] your date is still living with his or her parents all the way to .. the prospect of marrying someone with significant debt and no retirement savings compared to your decade of 401(k) contributions,' Moriarty told me. 'It's more a consideration than a deal breaker in most cases, but turning 30 is still a milestone of officially becoming an adult, a time to reflect on the 'youth of your 20s'.'
The payoff is worth the effort
Dating after 30 may not be the easiest thing to manage, but by getting to know potential mates once you're settled in your career and know what you really want, the relationship may be more likely to last for the long haul. And even if it doesn't, you'll be more secure in yourself as an independent woman to get back out there and give it another go with someone else when you're ready. So join a networking group, download some new apps, and get out there! Your dream partner is waiting.
What Is The Best Dating App For 30 Year Olds
When looked upon with the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, the dating we did in our 20s was the stuff of romantic comedies, especially when compared with what it's like a decade later. While it's actually easier to date in your 30s in the sense that you know yourself better, by the time you reach a certain age you're just, well, SATC's Charlotte said it best: 'I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?' Sheer exhaustion is the reason going to bars is a no-go most nights—especially given the inevitable epic hangovers and a lack of single girlfriends with whom to wing-woman—but luckily, this is the digital age, so we can meet lots of men without ever leaving our Netflix accounts unattended. Here, 12 apps to try if you find yourself single—and ready to mingle—in your 30s (plus, how to take a perfect selfie for your profile).
Dating App For Kids
Homepage Image: Adam Katz Sinding
Ryan said that many men even limit their online dating searches to only women up to age 35, regardless of how old they are themselves. 'There is very little that we can do about this, but accepting this reality is important when setting expectations for dating.'
Potential partners have more baggage
Another reason that men may start dating younger women after 30 is that we tend to have a bit more baggage the older we are. This isn't limited to women so you'll need to ready to deal with some baggage in your own potential partners too, like past relationships and maybe even kids from prior relationships.
'In your 30s, chances are you've already had a few relationships. Some of these might not have ended amicably, and could have involved being cheated on or feeling violated in another way. This can sometimes lead to fear in a new relationship, and past fears can haunt new relationships,' said Candice A. of Toronto Wingwoman. 'Combine this with the fact that we usually have more responsibilities in the 30s dating can be considered more difficult.'
Shared interests are more important
When you're set in your ways and looking to find someone your own age, one of the best ways to do that may be doing something you love. Chances are, if someone else is doing it too, you may have more in common.
'The 20-something scene typically means going to a loud bar to meet singles. The 30 somethings tend to do activities they enjoy that offer exposure to other singles like, running groups, art classes or volunteering,' said Jaime Bernstein, a senior matchmaker for the professional matchmaking startup Three Day Rule. 'Finding some common ground and interest creates a deep bond faster.'
Networking is king
But how can you find new activities and meet new people with shared interests? It turns out, networking isn't just for finding a new job! The great thing about networking is that even if you don't meet the one, you gain a ton of other benefits like improving your small-talk skills, trying new restaurants, and maybe even doing something you've never done before.
Sheyla Ventura, who is a brand coordinator for a dating app in New Zealand thanks to all of her personal experiences with other dating apps, told me that 'networking has surprisingly become a thing' adding that when you share things in common, it's easier to find a more compatible person. 'I go to climbing gyms and I feel comfortable around new friends sharing the same interest,' she said. 'I need to find someone more into sports and less into heavy drinking and partying.'
New apps for the 30+ crowd
Speaking of dating apps, just because the typical ones (like Tinder and Bumble) may not be ideal for women over 30, that doesn't mean there aren't apps out there.
'Dating apps over the age of 30 tend to focus more on meaningful relationships and specific interests. Dating app users tend to say that there's a dating app for everyone, and it's true,' said Gabriel Rotman, one of the co-creators of Jabo, a dating app designed around doing things specifically with people over 30 in mind. 'If you're a person of religious faith, there's an app to find people who share your faith. If you're an audiophile, there's an app to meet other audiophiles, and so on.'
He added that Jabo in particular is an app to meet people who love outdoor recreation and an active lifestyle, which he said is great for people over 30 'because it helps them get back to their youthful selves.'
Things may move more quickly
Once you connect, whether it's through an app or otherwise, things may happen a little faster than they did when you were in your 20s, at least from a commitment perspective.
'From my experience with clients, in general, people dating in their 30s still message via app or online personals, but the messaging doesn't last as long as those in their 20s,' said relationship expert Chris M. Lyon. 'Singles in their 30s want to get to know someone in person quicker, and in more of an information-gathering way than a hookup.'
Acceptable behavior changes
We all did things in our 20s we aren't proud of, we can all admit that, right? As we get a bit older, what's considered acceptable (for both men and women) in the dating world changes quite a bit.
'In yours 20s, daters are open to last minute invites, [like] getting a text to meet at a bar at 10 p.m. on Saturday night,' professional matchmaker Bernstein told me. Sandusky gay matchmaking. 'Most 30-somethings find that to be a little offensive and feel like it is more respectful to have a plan several days out.'
It isn't just about planning, though, it's also about behavior during and after the date. 'In your 20s, it was perfectly acceptable to go out to a bar and go home with a new person that night. In your 30s, the men who are hanging around bars may not be the best quality people for long term partnership (and many may be struggling with addiction issues),' Ryan told me. 'An expectation develops when you are over 30 that since you are a mature adult, you will really get to know someone before you have sex with them, so we transition into a more formal dating style of a glass of wine with dinner instead of ten jello shots at the bar.'
Money is more important than ever
I don't mean that the amount the date costs is so important, though that's something to keep in mind. What I mean is that after 30, people are concerned not only about their own money, but the general financial situation and responsibility of potential partners.
April Masini, a relationship and etiquette expert and the author of the Ask April advice column told me this is very important when dating after 30. 'People in their 30s want to know who they're dating and how it affects their wallets. They aren't always interested in someone who's making big bucks, but they want someone who's honest about their financial profiles. An entrepreneur with huge debt is sometimes less attractive than a social worker with high credit.'
Financial experts like Kerri Moriarty, who is a founding team member of Cinch Financial, agree. 'The impact is noticed in a number of ways – everything from it no longer being 'cute' [that] your date is still living with his or her parents all the way to .. the prospect of marrying someone with significant debt and no retirement savings compared to your decade of 401(k) contributions,' Moriarty told me. 'It's more a consideration than a deal breaker in most cases, but turning 30 is still a milestone of officially becoming an adult, a time to reflect on the 'youth of your 20s'.'
The payoff is worth the effort
Dating after 30 may not be the easiest thing to manage, but by getting to know potential mates once you're settled in your career and know what you really want, the relationship may be more likely to last for the long haul. And even if it doesn't, you'll be more secure in yourself as an independent woman to get back out there and give it another go with someone else when you're ready. So join a networking group, download some new apps, and get out there! Your dream partner is waiting.
What Is The Best Dating App For 30 Year Olds
When looked upon with the rose-colored glasses of nostalgia, the dating we did in our 20s was the stuff of romantic comedies, especially when compared with what it's like a decade later. While it's actually easier to date in your 30s in the sense that you know yourself better, by the time you reach a certain age you're just, well, SATC's Charlotte said it best: 'I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted. Where is he?' Sheer exhaustion is the reason going to bars is a no-go most nights—especially given the inevitable epic hangovers and a lack of single girlfriends with whom to wing-woman—but luckily, this is the digital age, so we can meet lots of men without ever leaving our Netflix accounts unattended. Here, 12 apps to try if you find yourself single—and ready to mingle—in your 30s (plus, how to take a perfect selfie for your profile).
Dating App For Kids
Homepage Image: Adam Katz Sinding
Coffee Meets Bagel
In a recent study, analytics company Applause ranked apps based on their user reviews, and this one came in third, which is promising. While the app once sent daters only one match per day, which was helpful for those who feel the 'shopping' element is a little icky, it recently switched things up so that men receive 21 matches per day whereas women receive just five. Before you delete it based on this inequity, know that the well-intentioned people at Coffee Meets Bagel made these changes based on user feedback—apparently, men like quantity and women like quality. Shocking!
If you don't want to lose the serendipitous aspect of real-life dating, you should probably sign up for Happn. This app promises to match you to people with whom you've crossed paths in the non-virtual world, somehow making things feel a little more organic. If you, like us, live in a sprawling city like Los Angeles, you know how important convenient geography can be in terms of making a relationship last.
Sparkology requires that men be graduates of top-tier universities in order to join, which feels a bit gross considering it doesn't have the same standards for women. Men are also subjected to a points system, which is purported to help ladies know which ones are serious (a feature we can definitely get behind). In order to join, technically you must be invited by a current member or the Sparkology team, but if you click on the 'Join' button, you're asked to link your Facebook profile for evaluation.
We don't think anyone should be ashamed to be 'caught' online dating; however, some of us may not so much appreciate our colleagues or future colleagues knowing what's up in our romantic lives, so the fact that The League hides your profile from LinkedIn and Facebook contacts is a big plus in our book. Another thing we like about The League? The platform kicks people off if they're not actively dating: No looky-loos allowed. The League has recently shifted its strategy somewhat to become events-focused, as it's hoping to transition into something akin to a members-only club like The Soho House rather than just a dating app. The League is only available in San Francisco, New York and Los Angeles, and its waiting list is allegedly 100,000 people long. Good luck!
Most of the women we know who frequent dating apps at present are on Bumble and report good experiences—it ranked fourth on that aforementioned list based on user reviews. This app is known for tasking women with the first move (once a match has been made)—which is great if you'd like to reduce the number of obscene things total strangers feel justified in using as pickup lines on some apps. On another note, Bumble's just announced the launch of BumbleBizz this fall, which is basically swipe-based networking. We're intrigued.
If you're one of the 'old people' who has gotten on board with Snapchat in a big way, you might want to try Lively, the newest app on the market. We have a feeling its demo will skew 20s, so if you're looking for a slightly younger man, this could be the perfect platform for you. Your Lively profile will pull videos and images from various apps on your phone and edit them together to tell a complete story about you. The app comes to us from the creators of dating website Zoosk.
Dating Apps For 40 Somethings
If you think your life is a rom-com, or should be, Tindog might be the app for you. It matches your dog with another dog, which is definitely the perfect setup for a meet-cute if ever we've heard one. Something to consider before joining, however, is how hard it is to be rejected in online dating. Now imagine how hard it will be for you when your beloved, perfect pet is rejected, as happened here. We just don't want you to get hurt..
Dating App Reviews
If you're into astrology, Align is pretty fun, and it'll save you the trouble of finding out your signs are incompatible down the line. We don't know how serious the contenders are on this platform—we don't use it as, to be honest, we barely even know our own sign—but if nothing else it will provide a welcome distraction from the tedium of scouring the digital universe to find your cosmic match.
Online Dating Apps
Dating sites mel moore ok. OkCupid has a patented Compatibility Matching System, which uses complicated algorithms to pick your matches. Given that all we've been doing thus far to pick our men is saying, 'He's hot,' we can't help but think this would be an improvement. Though you can choose to select less commitment-focused options in terms of your dating goals, OkCupid tends to feel more adult and therefore more serious in nature than other apps. This can be a good thing if you're looking for someone who will step off the dating carousel with you at long last. It was also ranked number one by Applause in terms of user reviews.
According to Time Magazine, 82% of Match users were over the age of 30 as of 2014. This has likely changed somewhat given that in the same year, Match redid its mobile app to include features more akin to Tinder than OG Match. Still, Match tends to draw a more serious crowd than many other apps, in part because elements of the platform require payment.
Some of us have personal feelings about this one—which we won't share because, diplomacy—but suffice it to say that you will definitely meet a specific type of person on this platform. Raya is exclusive and basically requires that you have a cool job, know cool people and have a lot of those cool people following you on Instagram. If that sounds like your kind of filtration system, we say go for it. Just be warned in advance that it's unlikely that the attractive celebrity with whom you're matched will be dating only you anytime in the near future.
We recently added Canada to our list of countries worth moving to. Maple Match hilariously promises to enable your move north by partnering you with a Canadian. We're pretty sure this app is a joke—you can only join the wait list for now—but we're hoping someone invents it for real, stat.
Best Dating Apps For Under 30
By our 30s, ideally we've broken bad habits and patterns and are now only dating people who would make appropriate partners. If you, however, laughed out loud at that statement (we did), you might want to consider signing up for Wingman. This app leaves the fate of your dating life in the hands of your friends, who are the sole deciders when it comes to who you will or will not go out with. We're guessing the results of such an experiment would be vastly different than anything we've experienced while steering our own ship, and we're so down to find out.
